When Fear Is Keeping You From Trusting God

I’ve always tried my best to trust God with everything in my life. Even the tiny things. Whether it was a solution to a minor health problem or even a job interview, I always felt I could depend on Him to help me and eventually answer my prayer.

However, this week, I found myself saying out loud, “I don’t trust God with this. I don’t want to play a gambling game with Him and fear what could happen.”

I was in tears that I felt this way. I’ve never been in a situation where I felt so strongly about not trusting God.

But, to me, this situation was different.

My partner and I have started to talk about having children. Before this conversation, we’d been discussing the possibility of adoption. I’ve always wanted to adopt, but little did I know I was also doing so out of fear.

As we discussed the option, he wondered why I didn’t want to try first. I could get pregnant and knew how to make that happen; however, his next question was what opened up the truth. “Did the doctor say you couldn’t have children?” I responded, “No.” He asked, “Well, why don’t you want us to try?”

The truth came out.

“Because I am scared of the potential outcome. I don’t want to ever go through what I did with my previous pregnancies, and I have no idea what God will do or won’t do, which terrifies me. It’s not worth it. I want to believe I will have a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby. But I haven’t seen that happen, and I am scared it may happen again.”

I then began to cry.

It can be effortless to trust God with something when you’ve seen the outcome in the past. For instance:

• I’ve never not had a job I needed.
• I’ve always had a place to live, something to eat, and someone to depend on.
• I’ve never seen Him not help me with a solution to a health issue.
• I’ve never seen Him not open up incredible opportunities for me.

The list goes on and on.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

But this was different for me—the one thing I had yet to see. The one thing I prayed for that didn’t turn out as expected. The one thing I wanted my whole life was given and taken away from me. How do I trust God with something I’ve had so many disappointments with?

I won’t act as if I know the answer to this question. However, I will tell you what happened the next few days after our conversation. Hopefully, that will help you along this faith journey in something you struggle to trust God about.

Psalm 37:7 “Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.” 

My Partner Began to Encourage Me

My partner was shocked I felt this way. He knew what I had been through in the past, but I think it surprised him what I said. My partner has never heard me talk about God in that manner. He was empathetic but also reminded me of who God is in our lives and what the Word said about God. Lesson? Speak with a person of faith about your fear. This is imperative when you have thoughts or feelings in this manner. You need someone to remind you of who God is, what the Word says about God, and what God has already done in your life. They also need to pray for you in faith.

I Prayed For Myself

Even though I felt this way, I knew I had to at least try and pray about it. I asked God to help me with my fears and disbelief. To comfort me. Heal me. Help me to try one day again. Help me to have peace and total trust in Him despite all that happened. To trust that what happened had a purpose, has nothing to do with what He will do and that no matter how I feel about it, it worked out for my good and His glory.

Psalm 69:3 “I’m worn out from calling for help. My throat is very dry. My eyes grow tired looking for my God.”  

Then, I Saw Something That Week

I was scrolling through social media and saw an image that showed the size of a mustard seed. In the caption it had written, “All it takes.” 

This image and caption is based on the scripture:

Matthew 17: 20 “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

At that moment, I realized I didn’t have to have this immense, all-having, all-knowing, mountain-size faith in God about my concern. He only needed a mustard seed. This did wonders for me. It took the weight off my shoulder to feel I had to have immense faith in having a healthy pregnancy and child. It helped me to realize it was okay; I was scared. It was okay; I was upset. It was okay; I was struggling. However, if there is even a tiny amount of faith that God can do it and that He would do it for me, it will happen, and it is possible. I felt relief knowing this and being reminded of His compassion toward us.

He knows we struggle. He knows we are fearful sometimes. He gets it. But, all He asks is for the faith of a mustard seed. Just because you haven’t seen it before doesn’t mean you will never see it. I realize now I can’t trust what I’ve seen. I can’t trust what has happened in the past. I can’t even trust what happens next. I have to remember that faith believes without seeing. That’s what faith is all about.

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

So, don’t feel overwhelemed. Don’t feel bad you are struggling. All He is asking for is the faith of a mustard see. 

Can you do that? 

With Love,

Chloe M. Gooden