When Fear Is Keeping You From Trusting God
I’ve always tried my best to trust God with everything in my life. Even the tiny things. Whether it was a solution to a minor health problem or even a job interview, I always felt I could depend on Him to help me and eventually answer my prayer.
However, this week, I found myself saying out loud, “I don’t trust God with this. I don’t want to play a gambling game with Him and fear what could happen.”
I was in tears that I felt this way. I’ve never been in a situation where I felt so strongly about not trusting God.
But, to me, this situation was different.
My partner and I have started to talk about having children. Before this conversation, we’d been discussing the possibility of adoption. I’ve always wanted to adopt, but little did I know I was also doing so out of fear.
As we discussed the option, he wondered why I didn’t want to try first. I could get pregnant and knew how to make that happen; however, his next question was what opened up the truth. “Did the doctor say you couldn’t have children?” I responded, “No.” He asked, “Well, why don’t you want us to try?”
The truth came out.
“Because I am scared of the potential outcome. I don’t want to ever go through what I did with my previous pregnancies, and I have no idea what God will do or won’t do, which terrifies me. It’s not worth it. I want to believe I will have a healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby. But I haven’t seen that happen, and I am scared it may happen again.”
I then began to cry.
It can be effortless to trust God with something when you’ve seen the outcome in the past. For instance:
- I’ve never not had a job I needed.
- I’ve always had a place to live, something to eat, and someone to depend on.
- I’ve never seen Him not help me with a solution to a health issue.
- I’ve never seen Him not open up incredible opportunities for me.
The list goes on and on.
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
But this was different for me—the one thing I had yet to see. The one thing I prayed for that didn’t turn out as expected. The one thing I wanted my whole life was given and taken away from me. How do I trust God with something I’ve had so many disappointments with?
I won’t act as if I know the answer to this question. However, I will tell you what happened the next few days after our conversation. Hopefully, that will help you along this faith journey in something you struggle to trust God about.
Psalm 37:7 “Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.”
My Partner Began to Encourage Me
My partner was shocked I felt this way. He knew what I had been through in the past, but I think it surprised him what I said. My partner has never heard me talk about God in that manner. He was empathetic but also reminded me of who God is in our lives and what the Word said about God. Lesson? Speak with a person of faith about your fear. This is imperative when you have thoughts or feelings in this manner. You need someone to remind you of who God is, what the Word says about God, and what God has already done in your life. They also need to pray for you in faith.
I Prayed For Myself
Even though I felt this way, I knew I had to at least try and pray about it. I asked God to help me with my fears and disbelief. To comfort me. Heal me. Help me to try one day again. Help me to have peace and total trust in Him despite all that happened. To trust that what happened had a purpose, has nothing to do with what He will do and that no matter how I feel about it, it worked out for my good and His glory.
Psalm 69:3 “I’m worn out from calling for help. My throat is very dry. My eyes grow tired looking for my God.”
Then, I Saw Something That Week
I was scrolling through social media and saw an image that showed the size of a mustard seed. In the caption it had written, “All it takes.”
This image and caption is based on the scripture:
Matthew 17: 20 “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”
At that moment, I realized I didn’t have to have this immense, all-having, all-knowing, mountain-size faith in God about my concern. He only needed a mustard seed. This did wonders for me. It took the weight off my shoulder to feel I had to have immense faith in having a healthy pregnancy and child. It helped me to realize it was okay; I was scared. It was okay; I was upset. It was okay; I was struggling. However, if there is even a tiny amount of faith that God can do it and that He would do it for me, it will happen, and it is possible. I felt relief knowing this and being reminded of His compassion toward us.
He knows we struggle. He knows we are fearful sometimes. He gets it. But, all He asks is for the faith of a mustard seed. Just because you haven’t seen it before doesn’t mean you will never see it. I realize now I can’t trust what I’ve seen. I can’t trust what has happened in the past. I can’t even trust what happens next. I have to remember that faith believes without seeing. That’s what faith is all about.
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
So, don’t feel overwhelemed. Don’t feel bad you are struggling. All He is asking for is the faith of a mustard see.
Can you do that?
With Love,
Chloe M. Gooden
Why Hasn’t It Happened to Me Yet?
Waiting on God to answer a prayer? Wondering why He hasn’t restored you from a painful experience?
Join the crowd.
Dangers of Running Ahead of God: JUST WAIT & Why You Struggle to Let Go Him, Even Though He Has Let Go Of You
Saturdays with Chloe : Dangers of Running Ahead of God in Suffering : Just Wait!How long will I have to wait for God to heal me? How long will I be here? How long is it going to take for Him to answer my prayer? Sounds familiar? In the midst of waiting, it can get...
Favor Isn’t Favor, 5 Unexpected Frustrations of Favor & How to Ignore That Text From Your Ex
Saturdays with Chloe : Favor Isn't Fair, Disclaimer : This Favor May Come with 5 Unexpected FrustrationsWe all love to be shown favor. A job opening we didn’t expect. A miracle awakening. A vision only you have been graced to see. It’s amazing. But, do we ever think...
Dating: When You Think You Aren’t Beautiful Enough, Worthy Enough, or Good Enough
"When You Think You Aren't Beautiful Enough..." Dating: When You Think You Aren't Beautiful Enough, Worthy Enough, or Good Enough Dating today can be rough. You see different people getting into relationships easily. You see your friends having multiple dating...
“3 Reasons Why You Don’t Hear From God” & “Dating: When You Think You Aren’t Beautiful Enough…”
Dating: When You Think You Aren't Beautiful Enough, Worthy Enough, or Good Enough Dating today can be rough. You see different people getting into relationships easily. You see your friends having multiple dating prospects. You feel you've been dating for years with...
Your Life, Your Pain, Your Purpose and How It Affects Your Calling, Dating & Relationships
Your Life, Your Pain, Your PurposeIn becoming a divorcee, or single mom, you may have felt that you lost some of your life's purpose. Chloe M. Gooden shares how pain relates directly to your calling, and can further God's purpose for your life. She also discusses the...
So so good. I’ve been struggling in the past week with worry and fear. Just finished having a good cry session when I scrolled and saw this. Thank you. This was what I needed. I have been seeing the Psalms 46:10 verse a lot lately so when you included it here, I cried again lol and thanked God. He hears us!
He truly does! I am so glad to hear that hun and I pray that you are able to hold on as He works in your favor! 🥰
Chloe, I hope you see my comment. I don’t know if I have ever commented on someone’s blog, but OMG, I had to on this one!!! This post was written just for me. A situation just happened, literally this morning, 9:18 a.m., to be exact, where I found myself doubting God. I was praying to God, and here comes you with this just for me, our situation might not be the same, but we are both having to completely trust Him. God cares for our concerns, and it’s like he had you write a letter to me reminding me that he will not forsake me. I have followed you for years, and I pray that you never stop writing…Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for allowing God to use you to encourage me.
Hi Erica!
I do see your comments! haha =)
Thank you for this! I wasn’t going to share but felt in my spirit I should and glad I did! I do pray it helps you move forward in this journey and thank you so much for the encouragement as well!
Looking forward to knowing how it turns out for you!
Will do! =)
– Chloe M.Gooden