I love the holidays. My favorite is Christmas, for sure. I love seeing the lights, Christmas trees, over-sized blow-ups in people’s yards, and the excitement of children when they see Santa Claus at the mall. Thanksgiving would, definitely, come in second place for favorites. There’s nothing like getting together with your family over an extravagant meal, which, in my opinion, can’t even be considered a thanksgiving meal without cornbread dressing. Just saying! If cornbread dressing isn’t there, I’m not coming (Ha-ha).

But the main thing that I notice surrounding the holidays is being with loved ones, and, sadly, if you’ve recently gone through a break-up or divorce, it can make the up-coming holidays not as exciting as they may have been in the past.

This year, I found myself immediately thinking of how my Thanksgivings were the past two years. In 2018, my ex-husband and I had recently divorced. I remember, after everyone left that evening of Thanksgiving, I went to my parents’ guest room, laid down, and cried myself to sleep.

I, then, remembered the thanksgiving of 2019. My ex-husband and I had reconciled by this time, and we decided to have thanksgiving by ourselves that year. That was the first year I made thanksgiving dinner by myself and, man, was I proud. It was a really nice, intimate holiday with each other, and we were also able to celebrate with our loving neighbors. It was great.

I realize, once again, I am finding myself in another holiday season divorced, still healing, trying to find the bright side of another holiday in the same situation, yet it’s completely out of my control.

It sucks. Let’s just be quite honest with ourselves. If you’ve followed me for some time now, you are well aware I do not sugar-coat anything. It hurts. It’s frustrating. It can make you really upset when you feel you did everything you could to keep your relationship afloat and, yet, you still end up going to the family and friend holiday functions…alone and recently single. It’s so fun. I tell ya (Being Sarcastic).  

At first, I thought of not going to the family functions and staying to myself with my sweet dog, Milo.

I, then, thought, maybe, I could just go for a quick appearance and then leave quickly thereafter to wallow in my feelings at home.

Then, I thought of a couple of other things:

“What if my ex messages me Happy Thanksgiving?”

“What do I do when someone asks me about my ex-spouse?”

“What if a conversation comes up about all my losses that occurred that year?”

It’s truly exhausting, to say the least.

As I thought of these hypothetical situations, as well as went through an array of emotions, I realized: I am sure I am not alone in these feelings. Therefore, I have provided for you below a quick “Surviving the Holidays” Guide to help you with these up-coming major holidays.

Please know: I understand. I am hurting and healing with you. However, most of all, realize that God is hurting and right there healing with you, too. He does care about you. He does see you. He will comfort you in ways beyond my advice could ever do.

“I pray these tips help you and that He hovers you with His love, peace, and comfort. That He meets you exactly where you are in ways you couldn’t have ever imagined. Amen.”

Happy Holidays,

Chloe M. Gooden

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