Marriage. What comes to mind when you hear that word? A wedding dress? The man of your dreams? Your first dance? Or maybe the lavish reception with all your friends and family? Did you notice something? Everything you just thought of described a wedding and not a marriage. The wedding is only the beginning of a lifelong journey. A journey that has its ups and downs. It’s laughs and pains. It’s joys and disappointments. Just like you, I’d always wanted to be married. I looked at my parents and family and couldn’t wait until the day I met my perfect match and we would start a beautiful life together. There were some things I expected, and there were some things I did not. Things that I didn’t realize would happen, not only in my marriage but within myself. God gave us marriage for companionship, but He also had something else in mind. Something in mind that many don’t think about when they dream of the day of finally becoming a wife. I hope this will open your eyes to God’s plan for marriage and the importance of trusting His timing in preparation.

You Both Will Change

Many times, we’ve heard, “If a person is for you, they should love you for exactly who you are and you shouldn’t have to change.” As good as this may sound, it’s a half truth. The person you are today will not be the same person you are after some time in marriage, and that’s a good thing. God doesn’t bring two people together who are perfect but two imperfect people. He is going to use your relationship for companionship, but also a place to grow your character and spirit. God has something He needs to prune in you, and your marriage is the perfect place to do so.

You Must Forgive

In Matthew 18:21, there is a moment where Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother or sister that sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus responds in Matthew 18:22, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy seven times.” Some translations say, “…seventy times seven times.” Wow. That’s a lot, right? This concept truly comes into play in a marriage. Your spouse will do some things and apologize, and then turn around and do it again. Guess what? You will too. One thing that I try to remember; God has forgiven me for sins I’ve done over and over again and I am sure it was more than seventy seven times! My spouse needs the same grace and patience as God gives to me. (This is not excusing any type of emotional, mental or physical abuse. If any abuse is occurring ensure to reach out to trusted church family members or community and separate yourself until your spouse is able and willing to work on his/her issues. God does not desire for you to stay in an abusive situation. Seek help.)

You are Two Servants

Our pastor, Chris Hodges, reminds us repeatedly, “The best marriage in the world is two servants in love.” Marriage is not about what you will gain but what you will give. When you have two servants in a marriage, everyone wins. If you are not ready to give of yourself;  take your time. My mother has always reminded me, that sometimes in marriage you will find yourself giving 80 percent while your spouse is giving 20. It’s amazing when both partners are giving 100 percent, but, the reality is, it will many times be unequal. These moments are a reminder to be willing to serve and love, as Jesus did for us, even when we were rejecting Him.

You Must Remove Expectations

I know I imagined many times what I would get from a mate. I was looking forward to the constant companionship, affection, cuddles and so much more. It’s fun to dream and put ourselves in the place of the brides we see in movies and novels we read. The danger with this, however, is now you’ve placed an expectation on your potential spouse they may never meet. Can you imagine how it would feel if your spouse did the same to you? The pressure to live up to a fantasy or a perfect person? That can be frustrating for anyone. As you both are growing, you will learn to adapt to each other’s needs, and some needs, will only be met by God. Keep yourself open to what God has in store for you in your spouse and they will meet some expectations you’ve never even dreamed of nor knew you needed.

You Will Test Each Other’s Patience

We always here that “Patience is a virtue.” As much as it may very well be a virtue, it is not fun to learn. God loves to develop this character trait in us all and it can truly be tested in marriage. Beyond the time together, you are two people who both make mistakes, learning about each other and even yourselves. In the midst of this, God will use you both to see areas of growth within each other. Sadly, as we all know, it takes a long time for people to change. During this time, God desires for you both to reflect the love and patience God has with you as you are still growing in His image. Patience is a virtue because it teaches you to be kind when you are frustrated. Loving when you want to be hateful. And gentle even when you’re mad. It’s a way of learning to restrain your flesh and live in the spirit. To live like Jesus.

Marriage is a journey and I have so much I am still learning as a wife. I will continue to share this journey in hopes of enlightening those who desire to be married and encourage those who are engaged or married. I hope you will enjoy this journey with me. Until next time, be blessed and trust God’s timing.  

Want to learn more on how to prepare for Marriage? Check out “Single to Married” & “Single to Married Devotional” —  Here.

PhotoCredit: Tim Medrano