Have you ever asked yourself, “How many guys do I have to date to get to the right one?” We meet a guy, it starts off being great, and it seems to be a relationship that could last forever. He accepts you for who you are, he makes you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and you can’t see yourself with anyone else. Then, somewhere along the way, the relationship breaks down and you don’t know what happened to the guy you were madly in love with for several months. Something changes. Someone loses interest. Things just aren’t clicking any longer. What changed? Did you change? Did he change?

When a relationship begins to diminish and disappoint, you start asking yourself, “How did I miss this?” But, maybe the issue was never in the midst of the relationship, but in the beginning? Maybe a decision could have been made in the beginning to prevent this entire situation?

How can we stop ending up with the wrong guy and investing our time, love and emotions into someone that was never meant to be ours? Here are a couple of things to think about to help you make wiser decisions in dating.

Have a Guide

Many of us have a list we keep of what we desire from mate. Some have 2-3 things while others have 2-3 pages. Though the latter may be a bit much (haha), it is a good idea to have a standard for what you desire in mate, and most of all, what God desires. The key is to be aware of these needs/desires and stick to them; especially the things that are really important. Is it important for you and him to have the same faith? Is it important to you that He is mature and able to provide? Is it important for him to desire children? Do you want someone you can talk to about God? These things are important. When you see there is no wiggle room in these areas of importance; don’t ignore these signs. Don’t continue date just to have someone in your life. Down the line; you will be disappointed. All relationships call for some form of adjustment, however, some things should be non-negotiable. This is a guide to see what’s important to you. You can refer back to this list each time and not get distracted from what’s important.

Don’t Let Loneliness Make Your Decisions

We keep seeing others getting engaged. Others getting married. Others getting all the things we have dreamed of since we were a little girl. This can turn into envy, and as soon as the opportunity comes to fulfill our needs; we jump at the opportunity without much thought. When we are lonely, we find ourselves sometimes grasping for attention anywhere we can get it. We completely disregard our list, disregard God’s warnings, and disregard the need to take time to get to know whose in front of us. We want someone so bad that we settle for less just to fill a void. Be conscious of the tendency to fall into this trap. I know it can get lonely sometimes, but have an accountability partner. Have someone to snap you back to your senses when you meet someone new before rushing into a relationship with someone you barely know. Whatever you do, don’t jump into anything with a guy out of an impulse for attention.

Seek God

This step is the most important of them all. God knows all, sees all, and is all. God can see the man’s heart. He sees His intentions. He sees your future. 1 Samuel 16:7 “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” It’s easy for us to get distracted and it’s so important to depend on God to open your eyes when your fleshly eyes and desires may blind you. But, when you ask God; listen. God always talks to us, but we have to be open to hear the truth and receive it. Anytime I met a new guy, I prayed this exact prayer, “God help me to see this man the way you see him. I pray that your will be done in this relationship and that my desires don’t get in the way of your desires. Amen.” I did this to make sure I wasn’t blinded by what I wanted from the relationship. Consult God. Ask Him what He thinks. He will answer.

Be Patient

I know you are tired of hearing, “Be Patient.” I know I was for years. However, I see now the importance of this wise advice. Singleness is not a curse. It’s not some season the Lord has placed you in to punish you. However, it is a season. A season to enjoy intimacy with God. A season to get to know yourself. A season to see as a blessing. That’s how God sees it. Are there tough days? Of course. Are there tough days in marriage? Of course. But, that’s what you need to see. Each season has it’s ups and downs. Neither is lesser nor greater. They are all seasons. When you embrace where God has you now you will be able to embrace your future even more. It’s so important to not rush God’s timing. When we do, we usually end up in situations that were not God’s will and avoidable. He knows you desire a mate. He heard your first pray about it. Guest what? He desires for you to have  a mate as well. However, He is aware of the importance of timing as well as His purposes and will. Above all, you should always want God’s will over your owns. Why? Because He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what’s best for you and He also knows when it’s best for you. Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every a]”>[a]purpose under heaven.” Be patient and let God fulfill your desires in His timing.

I know how hard it can be to want a mate in your life. It’s not just about the need for intimacy, but wanting to begin a life that you desire possibly of marriage and a family. God knows too and it’s normal and okay. Adam was lonely and God saw fit to bring Him a helpmate. God desires for us to also have helpmates in our lives; however, notice the key here; a helpmate. Don’t choose anyone. You want them to be a helpmate in your life; not a hindrance. Be patient. Trust God. Enjoy your single season. It’s blessings in it all.

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