“Ever wondered if the guy you are dating is the right one for you? Yeah, me too. I always questioned whether or not if I was making the right choice and constantly found myself asking others, or researching, what would make the right fit for me. I hope in this “Convos with Chloe” you gain insight on what to look out for when choosing a potential mate and how to know if he is the right one for you…CLICK HERE TO LISTEN ON YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST.

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Transcript Below:

Hello and welcome to Convos with Chloe. Today, we’re going to talk about nine ways you can know that he is the one. I know this question comes up a lot when you are dating because you want to make sure that you end up with the guy that God has called you to be with. You don’t want to make a mistake. I’ve been there and questioned those same things with dating. I hope this Convos with Chloe will give you some clarity on that so be back in just a second.

I’m hoping that this Convos with Chloe opens your eyes to the person that you’re dating or maybe even potential people that you dated in the past or now or possibly contemplating dating for a possible mate. I understand totally that questioning and wondering and maybe sometimes even that anxiety of wanting to know if this is the guy for me. When I was dating, before I met my husband- even when I met my husband- I just constantly questioned that because I had been through so many things in my own relationships in the past. You don’t want to make that mistake because this is somebody that you possibly could get into a marriage with one day and that’s forever. You want to ensure that this person is who God has called you to be with, that this is the person that can help you grow and that he be the man of God that God has called a man to be in your life. Somebody that can really complement you.

We constantly hear all these philosophies and steps and what works well and what doesn’t work well when it comes to dating, whether we should look at certain things or let some things go. I want in this segment to go over some things that I learned when it came to my husband and how I knew he was the one for me based off these steps I’m going to give you. I’m hoping this helps you. I’m going to intertwine my story with my husband at the same time as giving you some tips on how to know if a guy is for you. I hope you’re ready. There are nine of them, I know that’s a lot. Haha.

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Heal First

Number one is that you have to heal first. That’s number one. If you have not let go of past relationships, situations you’ve gone through, toxic relationships, things that have hurt you in your past, it will be really hard for you to recognize if a guy is for you. That pain, that hurt, is going to blind you a little bit because it’s going to be a distraction to what’s actually in front of you. What this looks like, for example, let’s say the last person you were with cheated on you profusely. Every time you forgave him, he did it again. You leave that relationship and you jump right back into a relationship with a new guy. It’s going to be hard to recognize he’s the one because you’re still dealing with that pain. When you’re dealing with pain, it’s hard to recognize anything good going on. Even if you are recognizing the good, as soon as anything comes up that makes you think of that past relationship, it’s going to cause some issues. I experienced this with my husband. When I met him, I still didn’t realize at the time that I was dealing with some things from a past relationship. I had been cheating on a lot before in a past relationship. Those issues were coming up with us. Even though he was a good man, he was faithful and loyal, I still was dealing with that. I also hadn’t healed from a previous relationship with a guy. I hadn’t noticed in the moment that I was comparing my husband to him. Sometimes what we will do if we haven’t healed or totally let go of a relationship, we’ll try to compare them. You need to make sure that you’ve really healed from that past relationship and that you are ready to move on to the next one. Sometimes God will use somebody new in your life to help you in the healing process. You want to make sure that you stay friends at first as God continues to heal you.

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It Takes Time

 

It takes time. You need to give this relationship time. When people say, “Oh, I met my spouse and I knew immediately he was the one” or “I knew immediately in the first week that he was my soul mate.” There are some people who get married within the first six weeks and they are still together today. Just know that is definitely one of those things that sometimes happens but the best thing for you to do is take time with this guy. Don’t rush it. I’ve experienced rushing with guys, and it does not work out well. It usually causes more issues than helping the relationship. You need to go through some stuff with this guy. Date him for a little bit, go on some dates, go through some trying times in your life and see how he responds. Is he there for you? You need to see him in different seasons and different situations. When he gets a new job, what is he like? When he doesn’t have a job, what is he like? See how he acts when his family gets upset about things. It’s going to be hard to tell if this is the right guy for you if you don’t give it time.

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Stay Prayerful

 Be prayerful. I’m pretty sure you’ve heard this before, but when I say be prayerful, I mean really praying to God about it. Ask Him to open your eyes to what’s in front of you and intertwining that timing part for God to show you. When I was dating my husband, I was super nervous because I had been married before and I was stressed. I was worried I was going to make another mistake. I remember praying to God about if Izzy was the one for me. Right when I was praying to God about it, my parents messaged me out of nowhere. They had met him a couple weeks before that and they messaged that they thought Izzy was great for me and that he could be a good potential spouse for me. That was all I needed. I didn’t ask them that question. It came out of nowhere, but they helped confirm for me that this maybe was the right guy for me. Even when you start realizing the person is the one, prayer is involved.

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Don’t Look For Perfection

The number four thing I would say you want to do to make sure this person is the one is to realize that you’re going to have issues and struggles and pains. Don’t allow that to make you think he’s not the one. Don’t expect perfection in that person or the relationship. You are going to have issues. You’re going to have problems sometimes. When that happens, see how he responds to it and how you are responding to it. There is no perfect relationship. There is no perfect marriage. You are bringing two imperfect people together which makes one imperfect whole oneness. You’re going to go through some stuff so don’t assume that if you all argue, that’s not the one. If you all have issues when it comes to trust or whatever it may be, that it’s not the one. Give it time and be patient with that person.

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You Will Be Opposites

The number five thing is to realize that this person will be everything you are not. What this looks like is, you do need to have the same values, goals in life and of course, your faith. One of these prominent marriage conference speakers, Jimmy Evans, he always says that if you’re in relationship with somebody and you all are just like each other, somebody is not needed. God usually brings together two opposite people. I notice with my spouse is the reason for that is because God uses marriage and relationships to make us more like Christ. When you marry this person, you’re going to become one with them. If we’re the same person, we’re not going to grow. There’s not going to be a oneness there because we’re the same. One thing that I notice in Galatians 5, it talks about the fruits of the spirit. The things we need to have in our lives when it comes to our spirits and patience and love, being selfless, I noticed that everything I was not, my husband was and vice versa. It really showed me that Izzy is good at discipline and I am not. I’m good with patience, but maybe my husband isn’t. You’ll notice that the person you are with, you are opposite which will cause a little frustration sometimes. Any time you bring two people together, there can be some frustration there. Totally normal. You need to trust that God is using that to help you grow. He knows that when He brings somebody in your life that you fall in love with, and is the opposite of you, it does put a mirror in your face. Don’t look at the things eHarmony says when they try to connect you with somebody who is the same as you. The only similarity you need is the values when it comes to your God, goals, and moral values. You may be an extrovert and that person is going to be an introvert. That person may be very disciplined in some areas and then you’re not great when it comes to money, but they are. That’s why God brought you together to help you become better.

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It Will Be A Different Kind of Love

Number six is that you will realize this person loves you differently. Most likely, he will love you more the way God has intended a spouse to love. When a man and a woman come together, they bring different types of love into a relationship. The woman is usually there to love and nurture and care for the spouse and the children they may have. The husband is going to love more out of protecting you, sacrificing for you. God talks about that in the Bible as well about him laying down his life for his family. This man, he’s not going to be around for puppy love. I’ve mistaken a lot of relationships thinking it was love and it was puppy love. They spoiled me but when situations came up where I needed them, where I needed provision, protection, guidance, leadership, it wasn’t there. The man God has for you is going to come into your life to help lead you and your family. He’s going to want to protect when he knows that you are in any type of harm’s way. He going to want to provide for you. A man that really loves you is going to want to provide for you and make sure that you are safe.

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They Will Be Supportive

The seventh thing is that my spouse supported me. I would date guys that knew about my ministry and they knew about job. They would give me advice and rooted me on, but my spouse was the first man that came in with ideas. He invested his time, finances and resources to support the things that I was doing. You want to make sure this person is not just on the outside as a cheerleader and know they are there with you as a partner. When you’re talking about wanting to go to school to get your master’s degree, they are looking up stuff with you and saying they found a loan or scholarship that could help you. They are in the trenches with you, supporting you. God wants that for you.

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Does The Relationship Draw You Closer to God?

The number eight thing is that you need to see if this relationship draws you closer to God and draw you closer to be the person that God has called you to be. Does this relationship help you become better as a person in Christ? Do you feel like you’re closer to God? Are you able to pray together? Are you all able to grow in the word together? God doesn’t want us to be in a relationship that draws us away from Him. He wants us to be in one that draws us nearer to Him. If that’s not occurring in the relationship, that’s something that you want to question.

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You Will Grow Together

The number nine thing that will help you will all the things I just said is that you realize you all going to grow together. I noticed this even with some of my single friends is that they have in their mind what they want in a guy, and they expect that when they meet this guy, he’s going to be all those things. He’s going to be perfect. He is going to have these great values and morals and he’s going to be the most amazing thing ever when it comes to God. He’s going to know all the scriptures and he’s going to have a great job. They expect him to be on it. You need to realize that you are going to grow with whoever God has for you. That doesn’t mean that you meet a guy and he lives at home with his mom, he doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t know who he wants to be and he’s not a Christian, and you don’t see his issues. I’m not saying that. Don’t jump into something like that because a relationship is supposed to help you become better. It shouldn’t be a hinderance. However, be a little open to ask God, “Lord, I see that this man is a good man. I see that he loves me and cares for me, and maybe he just has one little thing that he needs to grow.” Be open to see what God says about that.

I was reading a devotional where this lady was talking about her and her spouse. When the met each other, they both were in a massive amount of debt and he was honest that he was not going to be able to provide for her or buy her flowers or gifts. God brought them together to help each other learn how to grow and be better with money and budgeting. They grew together and got married later. If I was dating, I would have brushed off a man like that, for not having money. I think we all do that. Do not be so quick to brush a guy off. Ask yourself and God, “Lord, am I supposed to grow with this person?”

Me and my spouse grew with each other. There were things about my spouse that he needed growth in: his faith, his patience. There were things I need to grow: my faith, my discipline. We grew together but it helped us grow better in Christ and it helped us grow better as a couple.

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I hope these nine things helped you. Make sure that he’s supportive of you. Does he make you better? Does he love you differently? Is he the opposite of you as far as being everything you are not? Make sure that you give yourself time to grow together. Make sure to give time to see if that’s the one. Be prayerful and ensure that you heal first. Also, that you feel that God is helping you to become better and closer to God. I hope these things help you.

As always, you can go to my site chloemgooden.com  I have a plethora of other resources including books. I suggest Single to Married and Single to Married Devotional if you want a little bit more insight, information and tips in your dating life.